NYC Anniversary

On August 16th, 2011, Brennan and I drove our UHaul through the streets of Manhattan. It has been one year since then! Wow! It still feels like I just got here. There are still days I can't believe it. I remember meeting Brennan for dinner last spring and telling him I was accepted to NYU. I think we both knew immediately this was a journey we needed to embrace. A risk we needed to take together. And one year later, here we are. I am so grateful, thankful, and lucky to be on this crazy ride. In honor of my one year anniversary in New York, here's a little re-cap of some of my NYC adventures!

1. One year down at NYU. One year closer to having MSW at the end of my name.

2. A crazy internship at Cypress Hills High School in Queens.

3. A phenomenal learning experience at New York State Psychiatric Institute in the eating disorder unit.

4. Living two blocks away from Prospect Park. Couldn't ask for a better place!

5. Eating the best donuts ever.

6. Riding the Staten Island Ferry.

7. Visiting the 9-11 memorial.

8. Metropolitan Museum of Art.

9. Guggenheim.

10. Visiting friends in Boston.

11. Pizza, pizza, pizza.

12. Seeing a naked indian and naked cowboy in Times Square with my three little nieces.

13. Being in the audience at the Dr. Oz show with my sister.

14. Getting sick on the train. Multiple times.

15. Art shows.

16. Riding the train and eating brunch with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

17. Going upstate with awesome friends. Some old, some new.

18. Brunch with Brennan's sister at Cafe Lalo (from You've Got Mail).

19. Silver Ball.

20. Learning, constantly.

21. Meeting awesome social workers that truly make a difference.

22. Meeting terrible social workers that teach me what not to do.

23. A new love for French macaroons.

24. Yankees vs. Twins game. Twins won.

25. Being constantly stretched and challenged to jump out of my comfort zone, take risks, and learn more about myself.

I could go on and on and on. So much has happened in one year. I must say, I miss Minnesota dearly, but I would not trade this experience for anything. As much as Brooklyn has grown on me over the last year, I always carry MN with me.

A piece of cake!

I have one week left of my internship at NYSPI and I cannot even explain how much I have learned and experienced in the past ten weeks. Working on an inpatient psychiatric eating disorder unit is intense. Of course there is the shock factor of working with individuals that weigh 70-100 pounds. But, beyond that, working with the families of those individuals is a whole other story. I have sat through sessions full of anger, yelling, crying, laughter, and silence. You never know what to expect and what will come up. But, I do truly care for these women and I want to see them get well. I also want to support their families and help them understand this illness and know how to support their daughter/wife/sister.

One of my patients is a sixteen year old Chinese American. She is painfully shy and adorable. She was born in New York, but the mother grew up in China. They speak Cantonese at home and she speaks English at school. So this girl is living in two different cultures at the same time, trying to please both, fit in with both, and find her identity in both. How confusing for a growing, pubescent, teenage girl! The Chinese culture does not talk about feelings in an open and comfortable way, which makes our sessions quite interesting. I have to work much harder to get us anywhere. But, I know there is so much in there that she needs to express in order to get well. Her mother on the other hand, speaks constantly. Which is maybe why the daughter is so quiet! I have an interpreter sit in on the sessions to translate from Cantonese. To explain an eating disorder clinically, medically, mentally, and emotionally to someone that speaks a different language and comes from a completely different culture where self-esteem and body image issues are looked at differently than the US has been so difficult, and so rewarding. I have learned such an incredible amount from this family.

I will miss this internship. I have learned so much. And in my last session with the Chinese American family, the mother brought me this piece of cake as a thank you (a little ironic, no?). How sweet is that?! I guess not everything was getting lost in translation.

Germantown

A few weeks ago our crew went on a weekend getaway upstate to Germantown. Doesn't it sound fancy to say "upstate?" I feel fancy. Really, we went up north. Now, that's more like it. :)

I love this picture. It should be on a postcard from The Ozarks or something.We bought a bb gun at Wal-Mart and had some good old fashioned fun. Count-ry!

Home-made targets, including cans hanging from the tree. At some point in the weekend there were human targets, but no one got hurt. :)

A little hike to a suspected swimming hole. A good man always puts his arm around his woman to make sure she is safe on the trail. Or, I was just too slow. Either way, it's sweet.

Beautiful waterfalls. We weren't sure if this was the swimming hole, but we made it work.

That little waterfall was dangerously fast.

Brennan is getting destroyed under that waterfall. But, I seem to think it's ok.

My dear friend Al has not lost her sense of adventure with that pregnant belly of hers. I love these people.

I did not partake in the jumping off the rocks, but of course some boys did.

Our humble abode. A beautiful country house. I didn't get any pics of the inside, but it was so country chic and cute!

The crew. How did we get so lucky to find these people in NYC?!  God knew we needed them, and he was right. I couldn't ask for better friends. I hope I look back at this picture in twenty years and remember the amazing blessings that came from these friendships at such a crucial time in my life.
(from left: Kenny and Colleen, Craig and Coe, Dan, Tami and Brennan, Al and Reid)

Thank you Germantown! Good memories. We'll be back!

New York State Pyschiatric Institute

My internship this summer is at the New York State Psychiatric Institute on the eating disorder inpatient unit. NYSPI is part of Columbia University Medical Center and is a leading hospital in research and mental health discoveries. It is also a teaching hospital, which means, it throws you right in! On my second day I had to lead a psychotherapy group, facilitate a family session, and do individual therapy with patients. Yikes! It is intense. But, I love it. It is exactly what I need. I want to learn, be challenged, and forced to see what I can handle.

I currently have four patients with anorexia nervosa. This illness distorts the reality of one's body image and basically kills self-esteem and self-worth. It is extremely heart wrenching. They look in the mirror and see false and distorted images of themselves that turn in to negative, false beliefs about who they are. Not only does an eating disorder destroy one's self-image, but it can damage relationships, families, and one's ability to participate in the world. I have a patient that weighed 74 pounds when she was admitted to the unit. She was a walking skeleton. She could not walk upstairs, or sit in a chair without a pillow. She could not carry on a conversation that lasted more than five minutes, which is actually termed "skinny brain." Meaning, she was starving, and one cannot function on any level when the body is in starvation. It is very easy to start asking questions like, "Why are you doing this? Are you crazy? Do you understand how skinny you are?" Although questioning their motive is important, what's more important is trying to understand and grapple with the amount of pain they live with every day. To go through every moment of the day hating who you are has to be the most painful way to live.

As much as I love and believe in what I do, it's hard. Eating disorders are stubborn, and do not go away. They linger and manifest in the most harmful ways and it is painful to watch. There are days I leave feeling completely hopeless. So why am I doing this? I believe everyone has worth and everyone is loveable. And when I have a conversation with a patient where they begin to see their worth, or understand that they are worthy of something better and want to change, the light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger and brighter and makes all the hard stuff worth it. I want to love women that do not love themselves. And in so doing, hopefully they can learn how to do it, and pass it on.


I write this because today was a hard day. And sometimes I need to remind myself why I do what I do. Even social workers need perspective.

Night time on the ferry

A couple weeks ago Brennan and I took the ferry over to Staten Island for an art show. It was part of my birthday extravaganza that Brennan planned!

(If you remember, Brennan and I took the Staten Island Ferry on our very first day in New York. We had to take the ferry into the city after we dropped off our UHaul. Riding that ferry into my new home was intense. I was terrified, emotional, homesick, well, a wreck, but it will forever be one of the most memorable, magical, romantic moments of my life. Needless to say, I have a special bond with that ferry.) 

Riding the ferry almost a year later was much different. It felt almost normal. :)

On our walk back to the ferry after the art show we saw fireworks being lit up over Manhattan, which Brennan said he arranged for me. Isn't he sweet? :) We also saw a pretty great view of the city, including the World Trade Center lit up red, white, and blue. I had never seen that before. It's little things like this that make me stop and say, "Wow, I live in New York." It was a good moment. And in a city such as this, I need to cling to those good moments sometimes and remember that Manhattan can be beautiful.

29 ain't so bad

29 is scary. I'm one year away from the big 3-0. Ah!

I could never imagine where I would be at 30 because it seemed soooooo old! Now, it's one year away. How is that possible? But, I also never imagined I would be celebrating my 29th birthday in New York! So, where will I be at 30? I'm still not sure. But, I do know that I will have a Master's in Social Work and will have lived in New York for two years where I've stepped out of my comfort zone in every possible way, met amazing people, learned a ton, and experienced so much. I'm proud of that. Really proud.

More importantly, I have friends that love me, a family that loves me, a man that loves me, and a God that loves me. Those things alone make me incredibly grateful every single day. As long as that remains constant, getting older is a beautiful thing. I'm a pretty lucky 29 year old.

And a few weeks ago I was told I look like I'm 17. So, either I need to wear more mascara, or I'll look 20 when I'm 40. :)

I'm 29!

My bday celebration with amazing friends! These people have made New York feel like home. 29 ain't so bad!

Summer in the City

My first summer in NYC. It's hot. Very hot.

But, before I jump in to all the summer happenings in the city, I have to make up for some lost time. So hang in there, I have a lot to cover.

First things first. My internship this past year at Cypress Hills High School in Queens was quite a ride. One I will never forget. I not only got to work at a truly urban, poor New York City school, but I also came face to face with community violence, drug abuse, teen pregnancy, physical abuse, and the many other risks teenagers face today, which are somewhat tantamount in New York City. It was an amazing experience filled with numerous trials and challenges, including a pretty terrible supervisor. But, above all, I met some amazing kids and figured out what kind of social worker I want to be. A good one.

Here are my ladies from Cypress Hills. These girls have faced more in their lifetime than I ever will. Yet, they are beautiful, incredible, and so very resilient. The work I did with these girls truly validated my decision to pursue my MSW in New York. 

Next, I took a trip to Boston! Boston is beautiful and it was so much fun to have some quality girl time with my dear friends Alex and Lauren.

If you think Harvard isn't all that it's cracked up to be, well, it is. It was gorgeous.

Cheers! I have been obsessed with this show lately. I know I'm about 20 years behind, but that's when shows get really good.

Here's the library. It's enormous and really magnificent. Boston is full of history and beauty. It's so cute, and seemed a little more manageable than NYC, I must say.

Next, I went home to sweet Minnesota for a month. Ah, home. It was a nice break from the city. I did a lot of driving, and enjoyed every second of it. It was so nice spending time with my family, with Brennan's family, and with the friends we miss so much. It felt weird being home with no schedule, no worries, and no responsibility. Am I 20 again? But, I can't complain about mom's cooking, free food, shopping, and waking up at 10 every day. Back to the real world!

It's never easy leaving home, but oddly enough, flying in to LGA felt like coming home. Scary, huh. So here I am. My first summer in the big city. I think we're caught up. Let the summer adventures begin!